the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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