I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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