I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I puked a lego.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
