It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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