it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
