I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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