mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
