I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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