I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
