i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
