so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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