So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
