shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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