did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
