guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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