He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
