evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
