she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
