i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
