When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
