Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
