Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
