you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
