Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
