I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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