she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
pray to the hookup gods
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
