he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
