I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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