i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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