apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
