It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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