So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
