Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
