My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
