My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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