Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
