You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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