i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
