She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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