i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
