it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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