If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
