I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
