Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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