i may or may not be watching the land before time
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
