Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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