apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
