the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
