I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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