If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
