so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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