I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
