I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
