the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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