The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
